The work of God goes on quite simply in this way; one does not always have to wait for something out of the ordinary. The all-important thing is to keep your eyes on what comes from God and to make way for it to come into being here on earth. If you always try to be heavenly and spiritually minded you won’t understand the everyday work God has you to do. But if you embrace what is to come from God, if you live for Christ’s coming in practical life, you will learn that divine things can be experienced here and now, things quite different from what you human brains can ever imagine.
–from “Action in Waiting” by Christopher Friedrich Blumhardt
Oh, the story of my life. I am like the fish frantically swimming around asking every being she meets to please tell her what water is. I know I am the source of my problem. The answer…I think I know that too…surrender, surrender, surrender. Like that fish, if I didn’t have my head in the clouds I could feel, really experience and truly know all about the water that surrounds me. What is it going to take for me to release control?
For me, right now, the problem is that I cannot accept my life as it is. It is the fact that for the last year and a half I have lived in a separate city from by husband. I know this intellectually. I understand the reasons it must be, but each time he leaves after a brief visit or I return from visiting him, I grieve it all over again. I spend days at a time wishing it weren’t so. I expend precious energy denying it and fighting it.
It also comes in the form of long stretches of empty days before me. Long days with no seeming purpose other than to be there at the end of the day when daughters return. I can and do fill them somehow but still, they never seem to add up to much. I can and do fight this reality. I expend precious energy wishing it were different. I beat myself up for not being able to “oprahfy” myself. I start projects and volunteer. These things help a little but they cannot camouflage what is real for long…this is my life.
It is hard to imagine that, as Blumhardt suggests, God is actually sending work my way, important work, and I just don’t see it. I am truly saddened that on most days I don’t allow myself to fall into the flow of Grace. I know I should learn the lesson of the fish. It doesn’t drown. It may not know what water is, but it trusts it will be there for support when it surrenders.