Reflections of a Fifty Year Old

Wow! Fifty! Wow!!! It has taken me an entire year to sit with this reality…tomorrow I turn fifty years old. Thank God for the last three hundred and sixty four days as I have needed every last one!
My Grandpa lived to be one hundred and two so I have good reason to believe that this could be my half-life point. I have spent many moments of the last year reflecting on my life and its impact. Many days ago I gave up the questions about large scale impact and career choices and comparisons to my college classmates. And only very recently I began to entertain the idea that my life’s work up to now was loving my spouse well and raising my family. What if that were it…God’s purpose for my life? Would that be enough? And how would I know if that was it? Shouldn’t there be more? And what of the next fifty years?
And then I received a gift…in my email box a link to a short story by Leo Tolstoy. He and I share a birthday and so I thought it was fitting to give his story a listen.

Yes, of course this is the truth…this moment and the person I am with are the most important and to do good, participating in God’s plan, is the most important action. Perhaps the questions I have been asking are not the best ones. Perhaps the only questions for now are these: How am I being invited to be a part of God’s plan right now? How might I live this moment to its fullest? How might I love the person right in front of me to the fullest?
And so what else is there but to try every day to turn over my life, to let go of fear and ego and the need to know and be sure? What else is there but to enter into the mystery and as R. Rohr writes so beautifully, “Live and move and have our being inside this one eternal life and love that never stops giving and receiving.”


PS.  Happy Birthday Leo and Margaret and Naomi and Me 🙂