Desiring

picMonkey0.6220469885646677I am reading for lovers of god everywhere: Poems of the Christian Mystics edited by Roger Housden.  I read a few poems every morning and rest on the verse or verses that touch me most.

Today they are these:  “I am the dream you are dreaming.  When you want to awaken, I am that wanting”…from a poem by Rainer Maria Rilke.

My heart fills as I realize that God and I meet in my desires-the deepest truest ones–the ones that pierce me, bringing me to tears and never fading away.  I think of the Love I have for those I have been given, the longing for friendship, the yearning for work and wholeness and peace.  I think of the laboring ache for well-being for all of us in this current climate of profound insecurity and negativity.

Sometimes feeling those desires and letting them dominate my consciousness is so uncomfortable but realizing they are the meeting place for me and my God, I think I will try to rest their a little longer when they arise.

I focus on how that space feels.  That space holds everything really-pain and joy and sorrow and fear and a little desperation alongside hope and promise–darkness and light.  I realize I am most alive there.

Rilke writes on, ” I grow strong in the beauty you behold.  And with the silence of stars I enfold your cities made by time.”

I know I have seen the beauty Rilke speaks of in the West Indian mom and daughter sitting across from me on the subway chattering away in a language I cannot understand; and in the smile of the boy who works in the package room downstairs as he tells me he has enrolled in college so he won’t be working this shift anymore; and under the Manhattan Bridge where I sit often and watch the East River lap up on the rocks beneath me; and in the my husbands sparkling eyes as he tells me all about his day.

In Rilke’s words I hear the continued call to curiosity and to wonder and I promise to find something(s) each day, perhaps even each hour, to help God grow strong especially here and especially now.