My Central Lenten Question

“Can you, will you, allow yourself to believe in the depths of God’s love? Will you allow yourself to be won over by Divine Love, so that in return, your life may be more like his, emptied of self, poured out, given over, as love at the heart of a world in need?”

I am not sure who to attribute this question to. I found it in my journal just now as I was flipping through to find the first blank page on which to write. It is dated February 25th. As I look over it, I see that my journal is spattered with my desire to believe with my whole heart…to know the truth. I have reflected over this scripture for days and days…Jesus telling the apostles at the Last Supper, “if you knew the truth…”

What is this truth? I used to think it was doctrinal, the rote answer that we were taught as children—that Jesus is the Son of God—that Jesus died for our sins. But this week I heard something very different and now it is illumined in my own writings.

The truth is that God is merciful, loving and generous beyond all measure. The truth is as the French mystic writes: God looks upon me…and smiles.

If I knew this truth to my core, I would believe all things. I would trust life. I would accept, receive, allow, welcome all things. I would stop resistance and drop all those stones I carry around with me.

Rather than drowning in the list of things I am not and do not, I want to set sail with those whose faith is stronger than mine. I want to be counted with those who can say with conviction, “We have come to know and to believe in the Love God has for us.” (1 John 4:16)

The crazy thing is that I believe it for each of you. I believe it with every fiber of my being…that God looks at each one of you and smiles…is delighted by every last hair on your head, by every single move you make. I can see as clearly as I see this computer screen how God, unable to contain her love scoops you up and draws you to her breast.

Ever so tentatively, I imagine myself in that scene too. I make myself sit there and watch you being scooped up…and wait my turn.

About lchavez64

Seeker. Dreamer. Ordinary girl.

3 responses to “My Central Lenten Question

  1. Cindylouwho

    Look yourself straight in the eyes and proclaim the truth to yourself, uh, you will need a mirror. The first few ti es it is strange but you are so worth this truth, tell it to yourself. When I did it I cried.

      • Cindylouwho

        I miss you. We had a nice service the kids did the stations and it was followed by veneration of the cross. I heard via the grape vine that the new priest from Columbia Fr Xavier, is maybe a bit like McCabe. They seem to be trying to reign him in. Yikes. The other guy Father Luis was such a sweetheart ( he is now at St Margaret Mary )everyone wanted to bake him cookies , this new guy gives wonderful homilies on the weekdays haven’t heard him too often on Sunday’s

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