What I am practicing

I haven’t done this kind of a post before but it was bound to happen.  I was certainly going to have to admit that I was wrong, that something I had written was off the mark.  I am after all only human.

A couple of days ago I mentioned to my daughter, the writer, that I had written something un-right.  Her response was, “just delete it.”  But I explained that my blog reflected my journey and I had promised to be honest and had warned that it might look and be messy walking with me.  And so it is.

You’ve probably guessed that it was my last post, the one about God not wanting needy children.  It probably didn’t resonate with you and left you unsettled.  Me too.  The things is that I like being a beloved daughter.  I like needing, being completely dependent on my loving Creator.  That, by its very definition, makes me the neediest child.  Is that wrong?

Macrina Wierderkehr reminds me that my life nourishes the heart of God.  She writes:  “God needs our cries.  God has to love, and who is there to love if not me, if not you?”

So if that is not it, then what is it that is off about my relationship to God and to myself?  Reflecting on my words, I do see some truths.  I think my image of God does need to grow.  I often make God in my own image and my love is often way too small.

Is it any wonder that, when I can’t live up to my intentions and I fail to be the person I believe God wants me to be, I hide?

Is it any wonder that I stomp and refuse to move or distract myself with something shiny and pretty?

I wish, like Macrina, I could truly believe that in these moments of failure the best form of prayer is to weep for the woman I am refusing to be.  But believe it fully or not, I have no choice really.  I am grateful for the growing strength of my awareness muscle.

I am not sure at all of how to change and let my image of God grow.  But I did come across this exercise at the end of last week and I have been using it over the last few days.  And, I am also reminded of this scripture from Paul:  alone I can do nothing but united with God, I can do all things.

Affirmations for a Loving Attitude

Use these affirmations to improve your attitude and focus more clearly in a positive manner.  It is best to speak them with the lips (even in a whisper) rather than repeat them menatlly.  Let feeling rise up without getting too involved with them.

God Affirming You–Imagine God speaks these words to you:

  • You are always acceptable to me,  no matter what other people or you might think about you.
  • I see and appreciate the many good things you do each day.
  • I see and appreciate your good intentions, even when you fail to carry them out with your behavior.
  • I see your ill-intentions and behavior, but I love you all the same and forgive everything even before you ask.
  • I see your stubbornness and unwillingness to change, but I will wait forever if that’s how long it takes for you to respond to my love.  (my favorite)

adapted from St. Romain’s Caring for the Self, Caring for the Soul

About lchavez64

Seeker. Dreamer. Ordinary girl.

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