Growing up

We do not see things as they are, but as we are. 

(Anais Nin)

Recently I was talking to a friend.  She said, “I realize that my relati0nship with God is often still that of a little girl to a huge father.  And while sometimes that can be a positive image…it works great when I am a good little girl, but when I am bad, I don’t want God to see me.  I hide.”

Me too.  If you followed my blog this summer, you probably saw one image I used of a little girl in the field picking flowers and along with that image I reflected that I sometimes can even hear God gazing down at me, smiling and saying: “That’s my girl.”

But when my friend shared this revelation of her own, my heart flipped inside me.  You know that feeling when you hear something true.

Its time to grow up.  Part of growing up is no longer needing the approval of others. I have been particularly dogged by this addiction to what others think of me.  I do that with God most of all.  But God says, “I call you friends,” not needy little children.  Growing up means letting go of this.

Growing up also means truly understanding down to my core that not everything is about me.  This is where that insight from Anais Nin comes in:  “We do not see things as they are but as we are.”  I hide from God because I expect God to be like me.  I disapprove so I think God dissapproves.  I hold back love so I think God holds back love.  I judge so I think God judges.  My love is small, so I think…

And so I sit and wonder: does growing up mean letting God grow too?  Maybe that is thing about the mystics…they met God as God is not as they conceived God to be…they let God be God and were surprised and delighted every time.

This past Sunday I turned 48.  I am ready to grow up.

About lchavez64

Seeker. Dreamer. Ordinary girl.

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