For now we see through a veil dimly but one day we shall see face to face. 1 Cor 13
Right around Holy Week, a friend sent me a reflection that she found on a central event in Genesis when Eve places her trust on the snake rather than God. The author of the reflection wrote in part that what was really happening in that event was that Eve chose to believe that God was “holding something back from her.” Here she was in the midst of what is described as the most luscious, ecstatically beautiful garden and yet she began to doubt.
Wow! Did I ever relate to that!
How truly sad that in the midst of our Garden of Eden, our God-given life, we give in to the temptation to believe that God is holding something back from us! I began to wonder how this could have happened to her. Did the day in day out beauty become ho-hum? Did she wake up every morning and feel she should really be doing something with her life? Did she get caught up in her past and bogged down by the uncertainty of her future? Did she let illusion grow up around her moment by moment until it had encased her in doubt and fear, blocking out truth? I wonder…
Fast forward to my life. This is how it happens for me: I wake up to such a small life…I make breakfast, drive my daughter to school, husband to work, walk the dog, clean-up, visit nieces, do crafts, volunteer a little, make dinner, more driving, help with homework, school projects, sew a little, clean-up some more, sleep, wake; wash…rinse…repeat. No one ever told me that this dying to yourself day in and day out…that following God’s will might look like this. No one ever told me that my part could be so small…the work of the hand or the foot (to borrow from St. Paul).
So I let illusions grow up around me. That I am not enough…that I do not do enough…that to simply be is not enough.
At first I thought this was an odd reflection for Lent, but the following week it began to make much more sense. Paul calls Jesus the “new Adam” and scholars reiterate that the cross and resurrection right the happenings of Genesis, when the first man and woman fell out of grace. On Good Friday the reflection on Eve came back to me and I began to wonder if this too was a reason that God allowed Jesus to die on that cross. Was it because we all somewhere wonder if God is holding something back from us? And finally, once and for all, God wanted to settle that question…so He gave up his Son. Here it is…all my cards on the table, nothing held back.
Resurrection. In my best moments, the veil parts and truth pierces the illusion of my life. I get a glimpse, a flash of eternity. I see how dazzling this life is. Its starts with something small: folding my children’s laundry, gazing into the creek behind the apartment, encountering a stranger on my walk with Tobi or coming upon a clump of asters ablaze with color. Its then I feel connected to every last little bug and leaf and soul. How could I ever believe God would hold anything back? All I have to do is look around. God’s creation gives itself with abandon…how much more…our Creator! Oh, that sooner, rather than later, the veil falls away for good.
Have you had an experience where truth pierced the illusion of your life? Share it, pleeeese. I am lonely out here 🙂
On my way to an appointment last week, I came across these asters and they took my breath away.