I have become haunted by a little poem by the Sufi mystic and poet, Hafiz. He writes simply:
You promised you would help.
These words remind me also of the words of St. Teresa of Avila to her fellow sisters. Describing the Divine union that takes place for her in prayer, she says it is like watching rain falling into a river. The rain falls and falls. At some point there becomes a moment when you can no longer tell where the rain ends and the river begins…and your one question is: How can I be helpful?
I have learned too that St. Francis’ question (and the inspiration for the title of my blog) was: What is mine to do?
For much of my life I have been dogged with questions of calling, vocation, my place in the world, making my mark, fulfilling my destiny…doing more…being more. Sometimes this was an earnest quest; sometimes it was driven by ego and most of the time it was a mixture of both.
I have recently come to understand that my life’s real purpose is to become who I was truly meant to be in God. When I was created God named me, defined me in Love. My life’s work is to become that person. Unfortunately, there are layers to get through before I find her. She is elusive and prefers to hide behind safe walls and wears costumes and masks. She needs to be coaxed out, reassured, and most of all loved.
In this blog I hope to share with you my journey to my true self. I do so because in part, I think it will be my salvation, and in part, because to do so is to fulfill one piece of what is mine to do. I do not know much but I am a seeker. I imagine myself a part of the contingent that followed the Star to Bethlehem.
My star has led me to a college on the east coast from a small border town in Texas, to a marriage at a youngish age and the rapid formation of a family with three children. My star has taken me to pursue a graduate degree in theology and pastoral ministry and to a vocation in religious education. It has taken me to a yoga studio in Austin, Texas to infuse yoga into my spiritual practice and then to become certified as a yoga teacher so that I could share the message of God’s love. It has taken me to city after city, following my husband as he works to provide for our family.
And I believe that now, my star brings me to this moment to share this part of my journey with you. I don’t know much but what I learn along the way I will share with you in the hopes of discovering our authentic selves. I don’t know much but I know desire. I know the desire of wanting to live freely. The desire of giving up that which chains me to the world. I know that more than anything in the world I do not wish to remain hidden from, or worse, unknown by the Beloved.
So if you come here you will find as much honesty as I can muster. You will find a seeker. You will find someone diligently and faithfully in process of becoming who she was created to be. It may sometimes look messy, be messy, make no sense but it may also provide a glimpse into truth every now and then…and every now and then be a portal to Love.
The Many Faces of Me